Not Alone

Alone — Nobody was there before, during or after it happened. Nobody seemed to care. She felt as if she had to carry the burden all on her own. Now it’s all over. Who knows what she has been going through? And who cares?

This is to my Melissa, the daughter I’ve never had, the girl I’ve never got to hold in my arms — but also to all you Melissas out there who are hurt.

I’ve always wanted to have children, four boys, yes, that would have been perfect. My first pregnancy was way too early in life and a shock to me. I was only twenty at that time, not ready to raise a child. But I carried the child to term and I’m grateful I did because my boy is the only child I have — here on earth.

During one of the following pregnancies I’ve come up with the name Melissa. No specific reason, I just love the sound of it. Naming the child I’ve lost made it easier for me to let her go — a lot easier! A few times before I had gone into the hospital: pregnant in, non-pregnant out.

While I was pregnant with my son my friend had a stillborn. She went into the clinic and they gave her medication to induce the labor. They had her go through the whole birth for a dead child. That time I couldn’t understand it. But, you know what? There is something healing about going through the pain of labor while losing a child.

I’ve lost a couple of babies, sometimes at the very beginning of the pregnancy and other times a bit further into these pregnancies. Having a surgery (curettage) then was a lot easier, less painful and a “clear cut” — get it done and over with. But it always took away something very important: the process of emotional healing!

And then that one time, I actually prayed for the pregnancy to end. It was after a rape. I prayed: “Please God, don’t let me have this child. But if it’s Your will, I’ll carry it to term.” The reaction of my family was intense! They said something like: “I couldn’t love that child. You have to get an abortion! How could you ever carry and give birth to the child of a rapist?” I miscarried…

Melissa, Girl, you may feel alone but you are not! It doesn’t matter if you just found out that you are pregnant, or if you are a few weeks into the pregnancy already, or even if you already had an abortion or went through a miscarriage. There is help out there! Your boyfriend/husband, your parents, your friends, the one who forcefully took what doesn’t belong to him, even yourself may tell you to take matters into your own hands, get a clean cut, get it over with, and then go on with life. There are procedures to make “things undone” and then there is medication for physical pain but there is only One, the Lord Jesus, who can completely heal you of your emotional and spiritual pain. He is the only One who can give you peace, His Peace.


2 thoughts on “Not Alone

  1. Holy Lord in heaven. Did you really go through all of these things? This is the testament of a strong woman. While I know that you’ve likely grieved these tragedies, I still long to give you a hug.

    As you know, I was unable to have children. I had one miscarriage. No idea the gender, but I named her Kelly Rose just the same. It would’ve been her name had she made it. A figurine with her named engraved is displayed atop a table in my sitting room.

    God Bless you.

    1. Thank you so much, my precious friend — your kind words, your thoughtfulness and the hug are honey to my soul.

      Yes, I know 😔 Kelly Rose? What a beautiful name! ❤️

      Blessings and hugs to you, too.

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